So when I was reading the description for this blog I instantly thought of a couple times when I was chatting with a friend on AIM and something was said that started a fight. Being 15-16 years old at the time everything that was said was blown way out of proportion. The one particular fight that I remember the best was of course over a guy. My friend Amanda has introduced me to a male friend of hers and he and I hit it off right away. So we started talking on the phone almost everyday and we talked on aim regularly. One day I was talking to Amanda on aim and she was telling about how her and another friend of ours Laura were frequently hanging out with the guy and another friend of his. So being a 16 year old girl I got mad at my friends for what I thought was going behind my back. So we had our fight over the computer rather than waiting til the next day and talk about it face to face. The fight was a lot worse than it needed to be because we did it over the computer, we both were more free with our words and Im sure if either of us could remember what was said we would regret it a lot more now. As a result of this fight we didnt talk to eachother for about a month and there was a lot of talking behind backs with our other friends. When I look back at the situation now, I realize that we both made the situation a lot worse by involving all of our other friends.
After about a month when we finally started talking again we talked about the whole situation and we both realized that we were wrong in how we approach the situation. She realized that she should have told me about them hanging out and probably should have invited me rather than Laura. I realized that I should have allowed her time to explain rather than just jumping to conclusions about things. I think that it made us closer because we realized that we had done something that was wrong on both our ends and it took that for us to communicate better. We also realized how much talking behind eachothers backs we had done and that is was just more hurtful to eachother when we could be honest and just tell them if we have a problem with something.
After this kind of thing happened a few more times, not always with the same person, I realized that I needed to change the way that I handle situations that come up online. So instead of fighting with people online, if the situation warrented it I would wait until we talked face to face or I would just drop the whole thing. I decided that it was a waste of my time to handle situations in the wrong way. I guess I realized that as I grew up fighting over the internet was childish, I am a lot freer with my words when I know I dont have to look the person in the eye when I say something to someone. I guess I really have grown up a lot since I was 16 and that is a good thing. Situations that occur over the internet are in my opinion never handled correctly, there is always some part of the situation that is taken out of context and how you handle that depends how you let your personality influence your reactions.
So when reading Wood and Smith they stated the “haves” and the “have-laters”. I took a look at this from my my usage of computers and internet. I was lucky enough to be in a house that had a computer relatively early, I think I was in middle school. And then lesss than 4 years later the internet reach 50 million people. I think it would be harder if the internet had been introduced now rather than 10 years or so ago. If we were just starting to use the internet I am sure that things would be handled a lot differently because I am a different person as are all the people around me, we have grown so much since high school and things are dealt with in different ways. So I am glad that the internet was introduced to me at the age that it was.
You know, your blog got me thinking a bit. I wrote about my experience with a particular person who always blows everything we talk about online out of proportion. What always stunned me was her utterly hateful responses to me when I wasn’t even angry or “fighting” with her in the first place. You mentioned how you and your friend were both freer with your words when fighting online, and I’m wondering if maybe that was how it was for her. I’m not like that at all. What I say online, I’ll happily say to someone’s face. If I wouldn’t, I don’t type it. But for her, I always wondered why her reactions to me in person would have been as harsh. Maybe it wasn’t that she was blowing my words out of proportion. Maybe it was just her reaction to me, but in the freer format you mentioned. That’s a pretty scary thought. I wonder just how much of her conversations with me in person and on the phone are filtered and are therefore NOT her genuine thoughts.
By: Heather Howland on March 5, 2009
at 9:11 pm
First of all, thank you for sharing you viewpoint! I appreciate learning from others point of view, whether it differs from my own or is similar in nature. My personal growth still takes place and I love it!
Through this blog, I learned that some people find a need to react with more freedom online, at least when it comes to distressed emotions of any kind. I wonder what this is like for the opposite set of emotions instead, for you.
For me, I do not feel more freedom in expressions distressed emotions when online. So, my eyebrows furrowed a couple of times because this concept was new to me, based on my own experiences. When it comes to times like that, whenever possible, I make a point to write out my thoughts, when I can, and then present it to the person in email format, snail mail, or an IM message. Of course, my first choice is to talk in person, and the phone or voice chat, for when that is not feasbile for the time being.
I have found that is hard for me to express distressed emotions of any kind, without first reflecting on the situation. Writing helps me to communicate that more effectively, where I can edit my thoughts or words, as needed, before presenting them to an important someone in my life.
Of course, there are moments when there are spontaneous, sporatic situations that warrant an immediate reaction. In those cases, I have used my share of “I” sentences, which reflect upon how I am feeling or thinking. This really has had a positive effect on my overall communication, whether online, on the phone, via snail mail, or face to face.
By reading your viewpoint, it helps me to better understand what others may be experiencing as well. I will take this into consideration in my future endeavors.
Thank you!
Joy
By: Joy on March 6, 2009
at 12:16 am
I had a person that I used to get into fights online over things that were misinterpreted. We finally decided that certain subjects just shouldn’t be discussed online because they always ended up with miscommunication. I remember how being a teenage girl getting into stupid fights over boys and how ridiculous you feel later. I really related to how you said that you would say things online that you wouldn’t say in person. I am sure there have been occasions where I have done the same. I used to be a very shy person and would never stand up for myself, but behind the internet I could say whatever I wanted.
By: kimberly thompson on March 6, 2009
at 4:24 pm